sitting on a chair,
on a table with friends…
makes me sad and makes
me thrilled.
some are great
and some are not.
feelings mixed
and swirling inside
me. endless thoughts
keeps pouring on me,
endless thoughts of
pain and suffering.
these wont stop
it never will. on
this table the
thoughts continue
sadness and thrills
are never ending.
in this day of age there is no such thing as a simple mind… there are complicated minds, delirious minds, corrupted minds, and ignorant minds, but never a simple mind. those people who say that they are simple minded are either stupid or not really coping up with the world. seeing that the world has changed over the years, some for the better but mostly for the worse. people’s mind are simply corrupted by the things that they see in tv, read in the newspaper and from what they hear from the radio. those kind of mind are the ones that mostly populate this world. people with those kind of mind are those who had moved up the ladder of success so quickly that they don’t realize who and how much they had tread on other peoples back.
its been quite a while since i last wrote something in my blog. too long for me to remember even. all those questions i had in my mind seemed to linger and multiply as i age. those question that made me think what my purpose and my reason for being here and still breathing are still there hanging in the deepest recess of my jumbled and tainted mind. certain events that happened over the months somehow made it clear for me that, in order for me to be sane and to keep my self sane is to just ignore everything else around me and keep myself or rather rid myself of my emotional satisfaction… meaning that i should rather not share what i feel and would not care what people think, say, and do to thier own freaking lives. the feeling of emptiness is still there and i think it gotten worst actually. now, i feel that this body is devoid of anything and everything that makes a human, human. lately i feel like this body i inhabit is nothing but a hallow shell. its funny the way i keep saying this to almost everything that i write, being an empty shelland feel nothing at all. looking back to all the years i’ve been in this world only proves that there is really something better for me out there. and no matter how i cover up these things that i really feel, it still does not make me feel any better… it sometimes makes it feel worst. i tried to be happy but in the end, it still comes back to that feeling of great remorse and or great sadness. and it leads me back to the very question i have… will i ever be happy in this life?
days and days to come
how dreary i feel as
they come. i wish
they would never come.
people pass and
people go. leaving
faces i’d never know.
days and days to come…
bringing paradox of uncertainties
days and days to come…
bringing joys and fears…
of sadness and of tears…
wistful thinking of days to
come… brings melancholy
and wantonness in my frailed
and decayed mind
sleepless night and
waking days
everyday is on delay
people pass, and go on
their way
leaving noises along
their way.
cold nights,
dreary days
everything seems
to go one way…
the other way,
my way.
fast and cautious
people tread…
tread on paths…
paths that’s done
that’s done for them.
treading on surface
like crystals so bright.
paths and surface that
differ from mine.
like the cosmos
are the surface i tread,
bleak and dreary
and mostly dingy.
from days and on
our lives, lives on
our tragedies push through
our glories breaks through
we bare our pain and
be ready for the next day.
we see our lives as
though they pass by.
we set our goals and
ready our souls
for glory or tragedy
or whatever that may
fall.
in this story that we
ourselves play… we have
no clue what our future
may bring.
in this story that we
ourselves play… we have
but little control on the
outcomes that we make.
from possibility to actuality… the phrase very much speaks for itself. when you have a dream and really want it to happen, it is really up to you to make it and achieve it. i know all of us have dreams and aspirations. some may be known to other people, and some might still be hidden from the rest of the world and you are the only living soul who knows about it. i think for some people its what drives them and motivates them to live another day and continue on struggling so that they will in turn make the so called possibility into reality. and when they really try their very hardest and achieved their goal, its what fuels them to show the people that looked so little of them that they can also make things happen and they can also be bigger than the rest of the world.i praise those people that had made their dreams come true and i encourage those people who has dreams to make it a reality. if it makes you happy just visualizing it in your head, how much more would you feel if your are actually living your dreams? yes, theres no doubt that it would be hard from the very begining but if you think of it… the fruit would only be sweeter in the end when you had finally sown what you have reaped. it may take a couple years or longer to reap those fruits but it will drive you ta make that tree yeild its fruits.
with yet stronger reason i think my life fades away in the darkness of eternity. as i draw near to the cessation of this year, i look back and think what my life has meant to me and what it means to other people. i had drawn to the conclusion that it has been nothing but a hapless unfortunate existence. i still feel that there is something out there that is for me to find. all these years i have felt that im not complete, and that i have to find the other half so that my soul could be and would become whole. i thought that when i moved here from the philippines that this would be the place that i would belong and would complete me. but having been living here for about three years now, that feeling of exiguousness sill lingers in my head. and there is always that thought that i would belong some where other than this place or other dimension if it would be possible. i am still looking for that place where some where deep inside me could and would say that this is where i belong and that i would be satisfied if not happy there. but to my dismay, i can not find where that place is. maybe if i find that place that i have been looking for all of the years during my existence i can say that my life has meaning and would doubt that my life is hapless and barren. until that day comes i will continue on living the way im living now: a hapless existence.
life… there is a lot of it here in this world. in every nook and cranny of this planet that we call ours, creeps with life. this is a living world after all. it is i think the most abundant of all the things that is here… as i journeyed through the rough terrains and different places of the US of A a couple of weeks passed… i saw through my own eyes the wonders and the beauty of our home world. having seen them made me feel alive even though it was just a period of time… during at my so called journey, i saw that life is thriving even in the driest dessert that we drove by…. it made me think that maybe all i need is just to travel around some more and try to see what else the world has to offer and to see for myself that this world is not that muddled as i really think it is. life is truly wonderful for some people… and upon seeing some of the most wonderful things i had my eyes laid upon, it made me wonder….wonder if life truly is wonderful. i got to thinking about the phrase "to live and to let live" and if i were to give life another chance and let other lives infiltrate the fort and destroy the barricades that has stood around me for what seems like forever… would it make a difference in my life? and would i be hurt again? but the most important question is… am i ready to let others infiltrate the fort??? it seems to me that no matter what i do there are still questions revolving around it that keeps me from wondering what would happen if i give it a try. but who knows maybe i would try it out sometime and see for myself why other people make such a big fuzz about it. but as to what i have seen during that short trip… i can truly say that life here in this world are being led differently wherever we are and however we live it. and i guess that’s why life here on earth has such great diversities because of that. life isn’t that bad… it may be for some other people that claims to have everything they want and can get anything they want in this world… but what about those people that cant get everything and anything they want in this world??? how do they see the world? look at that… even though i try to write something positive about life the negative always gets out. well then maybe it is life’s way of balancing everything… like what the chinese call the " yin and yang" everything has to be balanced or the world would not function properly… in anycase life has to go on, i guess… until our extinction that is. but no matter how long that would take us into our own demise life is meaningful if you have peace and truly accept on how you are and what you are in this world…
