what my head contains

with yet stronger reason i think my life fades away in the darkness of eternity. as i draw near to the cessation of this year, i look back and think what my life has meant to me and what it means to other people. i had drawn to the conclusion that it has been nothing but a hapless unfortunate existence. i still feel that there is something out there that is for me to find. all these years i have felt that im not complete, and that i have to find the other half so that my soul could be and would become whole. i thought that when i moved here from the philippines that this would be the place that i would belong and would complete me. but having been living here for about three years now, that feeling of exiguousness sill lingers in my head. and there is always that thought that i would belong some where other than this place or other dimension if it would be possible. i am still looking for that place where some where deep inside me could and would say that this is where i belong and that i would be satisfied if not happy there. but to my dismay, i can not find where that place is. maybe if i find that place that i have been looking for all of the years during my existence i can say that my life has meaning and would doubt that my life is hapless and barren. until that day comes i will continue on living the way im living now: a hapless existence.